Are you so over-worked that every day at 3PM you secretly wish you could go home and become one with your sofa? Every profession has "seasons of intensity"- accountants with tax deadlines, attorneys in the middle of a big case and sales people at the end of the month. During these seasons of intensity, we tend to adapt to the demands of our jobs and exceed expectations. No problem. Not yet.

Hard work is a virtue- but constant overwork is a fault. While seasons of intensity and occasional sacrifices are justifiable in the short term, a work culture that demands constant sacrifice of time away from work and time from family is toxic to the long-term success of both the enterprise and the individual. Constant intensity starves the spirit and saps the passion and creativity that led you to your profession.

If you are currently under the impression that the only path to career success is working 60 to 70 hours a week at work and breaking promises to yourself and your family, you need to know there are other paths to success wide enough for family, friends and fun. The key is in the ability to recognize these paths and the desire to take them.

How do you know if you are on the wrong path? When you see life's big red flag that says, "When your work becomes the dominating force adversely affecting your family, it's time to make a change- a change in attitude or a change in the way you work."

The story of Roy Neel illustrates the concept of changing the way we work to help build a path for lasting and complete success. Roy's story appeared in the March 6, 1995 issue of Newsweek, which described him as the deputy chief of staff in the Clinton administration. Roy's days were full, with workweeks of fifty-five hours, and always being on call:

"I got downright tired of being tethered to my beeper 24 hours a day," says Neel. A seemingly tame but wrenching episode with Walter, his nine-year-old son, convinced him that work, even for the President of the United States, is not worth the price. Walter and his dad were heading out the door for a long-promised baseball game when the phone rang. It was the President. Little Walter was not impressed. When Neel looked up an hour later, Walter was gone. He had bummed a ride with a neighbor, leaving dad holding the phone. "Our society is schizophrenic," says Neel. "We praise people who want to balance their lives, but reward those who work themselves to death."

Neel listened to his wake-up call. He saw life's big red flag and found a new path to success, one that was wide enough to take Walter and the rest of his family along for the ride. Roy Neel chose to leave the Clinton administration and take a more flexible job as a lobbyist. How about you? You don't have to leave the job you have but you do have to be ready to find a new path.

For 10 years I've wrestled with finding a simpler but successful path at work and be the kind of parent and spouse my family deserves. I started asking myself some soul-searching questions. I wrote them down in my day planner and they haunted me daily.

These questions were important to me because they challenged me to find a sense of direction in times of confusion and constant change. They helped me feel connected with a higher purpose and made me feel that I was part of something that was bigger than myself. I didn't know at the time that these questions would be of value to anyone other than me. But over the years, people have told me of the value they have found in asking themselves similar questions.

I began working to condense my list of questions relating to finding the path to success that would fit my dreams and my family. I named these questions my "Habits of the Heart." Each question is meant to be a gentle reminder of things to nourish the heart. I hope you will be as richly rewarded as I have been, just by asking these simple questions of yourself every day:

• Am I sure about what matters most?
• Did I make a difference today?
• Am I secure in who I am regardless of my performance?
• Did I schedule some quiet time today?
• What did I do to show my family that I love them?
• Did I keep all my commitments (especially those at home?)
• Did I protect my honesty and integrity?
• Did I read or learn anything new?
• Did I laugh out loud today?
• Was I a model of excellence at work today?
• If today was a day off, did I rest or was I restless?
• Did I provide emotional support for my family today?
• What will I do differently tomorrow?

The greatest discovery I've made is that if I were to be hit and killed by a big truck today, I'd be replaced at work tomorrow. But I'll never be replaced at home. I'd be missed there forever. Stop giving your family the leftovers of yourself. Use these questions to remind yourself that a wider path to success-- one that is wide enough for family, friends and fun-- is possible to achieve.